Human lives today have become more and more complex. With so many responsibilities that are required of us, we tend to make things easy by organizing our busy lives. Organizing leads you to make schedules and routines to avoid confusion and to make things systematic as you go through the day. This routine you stick to goes on as part of your life. You fashioned it according to your convenience.

This also applies to your marriage since being married is a part of your life as well. You and your spouse go through a series of activities in a day to put up things conveniently for the both of you. However, these routine often times set couples on autopilot and realizing later that their relationship has gone from convenience, ordinary to plain boring. The marriage become stale and stagnates. The boring state blew out the spark in the marriage, and then eventually couples fall out of love.

At the first dawn of marriage, it was exciting. This overflowing of excitement should not cease with the mere routine. The couples should make an effort to restore the thrill if they felt that the marriage is on its way to flat line. Exploring the ordinary in an extraordinary manner would put spice in the marriage.

1. Getting out of your way is a special gesture that sends a message to your partner that you fancy making things exciting with him or her. Instead of the usual boring dinner at home, why not try the new restaurant down the block and instead of ordering the usual meal, order the weird sounding name on the menu. Whether it taste good or not, it will definitely give both of you something to talk about and laugh at your experience.

1. Making surprises is also another way like showing up on you spouses office for lunch instead of having your usual lunch with your colleagues. Another way to make things extraordinary is to take a different route on your way home with your spouse. You will realize that you and your partner will discover interesting stuffs to talk about and you two could make plans to visit those places next time.

In the romance department, instead of the boring locked bedroom, why not have the whole house for the rest of the evening with your sweetie. If you have kids, that is the time for them to sleep over your parent’s house. In doing the chores, you could exchange chores and see how your sweetie handles your chore. This is not only fun but also both of you could learn from each other. You can adapt his or her style of doing your chore if you find it more convenient. Making a new recipe is also a sure fire way of making your usual dinner an extraordinary experience.

There are a million ways to explore extraordinary stuffs. It is just a matter of cooperation and enthusiasm from you and your spouse. You will see the results will be beneficial in sustaining your marriage.

The union of two different individuals in marriage has different approaches and views on any life situation. This difference often times leads to conflicts, and if not handled properly… such difference might become a hindrance to a happy marriage. Being different is normal. Men and women are different, biologically, mentally, and emotionally. Being raised from unique family settings couples with various life experiences add up to that difference. Each of us is unique in a special way and such uniqueness may be our crowning glory or our downfall in marriage.

• Marriage is a union… a carefully selected union. Accepting the difference you and your partner have unlocks the door to that promising union. Just like science, it takes a lot of trial and error. However, the basic rule for a successful partnership is merely acceptance. Love in marriage is a must. However, before the decision of marriage… acceptance is the first step. From being girlfriend and boyfriend, to engagement and finally getting married; acceptance played a vital role to every stage.

• Embracing your partner’s uniqueness is the fore ground of having great union. In spite of different interest and group affiliation, there is still truth on the saying “opposites attract.” However, acceptance is not a piece of cake. First, you have to acknowledge the fact that your partner is a unique being. Next is, both of you should agree on settling to something acceptable for the both of you in case your partner has qualities that irritates you. You can do this by settling limits or exchanging deals. Making an agreement eases up a tension and buffers possible disputes.

It is also best if you get to now each other’s strength and weaknesses because it will help you both make appropriate behavior to match for a certain quality. Just like a jigsaw puzzle, you connect different shapes of the puzzle until you create a beautiful picture. Your marriage is like that so that you can create a beautiful picture of your relationship. Making guidelines and organizing the dissimilarity is also a good way to come up with a solution. This is because behavior does not change overnight. When both of you have agreed on such guidelines, it is easier to solve a shortcoming since both of you had already set the solution for it.

Marriage is like chemistry. It is a mixture of two powerful elements. Carefully analyze and make a formula to combine these elements instead of repelling from each other. The formula for a successful marriage should not be complicated. It is up to you and your spouse on how to plan such formula to achieve that powerful bond.

]]> http://buildmymarriage.com/accepting-the-differences/feed/ 0 http://buildmymarriage.com/being-funny-in-any-way/ http://buildmymarriage.com/being-funny-in-any-way/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:18:53 +0000 admin http://buildmymarriage.com/?p=669

People often think that when entering marriage, you shift your life immediately to serious mode. In times of crisis and arguments, you find yourself saying, “Let us be adults on this,” for settling a problem in a mature way. Being serious has its reward. It sorts out discussion of a disagreement and can give a constructive solution to the matter of the problem. But then, a lot of marriages still fail even if the couples took their problems maturely, handled it “in-an-adult-way” and after dissecting every inch of the argument, you wonder why… until you discover yourself drowning from tons of self-help books about marriage.

Couples nowadays tend to forget how to laugh at each other. Every couple faces trials and hardships in marriage, but they often forget that laughter is still the best medicine to their challenges. However, there is no guarantee, but sense of humor is one of the best ways to cope with the difficulties that arise in marriage on in life.It does not mean that we do not take the situation critical for serious stuff, but it simply means that you have decided to lighten up the burden and look at the sunny side of things.

Being adult does not mean to be flat serious. Most of the time, it is helpful that we still keep the child within us alive and learn to laugh with your partner. Just let your worries fly with the fun and let go of the things that weigh your relationship down. Find the funny spot in the problem. Watch funny movies, do fun games and unleash the clown in you. Bu for some couples, being funny is something that is hard to do.

The pressures at work and stress give the humor a backseat, and when this happens sometimes the marriage go sour. If you allow such burden to dominate you, eventually, this will become a part of your daily routine.Permitting tensions to be a segment of the daily routine will make the marriage boring. More often than not, boredom is the culprit why couples tend to fall out of love from each other. To avoid this from happening, focusing and leaving the stress to where it started is beneficial. So ifit is a work-related stress, the focus on leaving that stress at the office.

Crisis in marriage, though, is not entirely bad. It actually brings couples closer. Major crisis can also take a toll on a marriage, but this is a signal that the challenges you face with your partner can have a positive impact too.It is just a matter of how you two handled the circumstances. In every problem, there is always a silver lining that shines. The only thing to do is look for it and smile.

Have you seen the TV episode, Cheaters? The show investigates cheats upon one of the partner’s request. The TV host, few TV production cameraman, and private investigators rigidly follo w the cheating experience. They record all events in video and audio. They then show the records and ask confirmation to the person who requested investigation. Upon confirmation, the show sets to meet (and air) the cheat, the mistress and the spouse altogether in one place. The endings were often confrontational, violent, and sad. Worst, relationships were permanently broken and never restored, as the show hopes to achieve.

• Cheating your spouse really destroys relationship, especially marriages. Cheating practices all the real blocks to marriage—no commitment, no love, self-centeredness, dishonesty, unfaithfulness. That is why cheating often ends up confrontational, violent, and sad and permanently breaks relationships. Cheating marriage is seriously critical especially when the extra affair is long and sexual.

• Cheating marriage, like any forms of cheating, creates unreal married life. Cheating marriage has different forms and degrees. The most popular is adultery. However, it is not the only way of cheating marriage.

Being dishonest and not open are also ways of cheating marriage. Dishonesty itself is cheating marriage because it creates lies. You cheat when you lie. You still cheat when you are dishonest even if you love your spouse. Lying to earn love from your spouse is cheating marriage.

Though some people considered cheating marriage an extraordinary skill, it still destroys marriage and family. Some would even declare cheating marriage is a spice to marriages. You and your spouse could spice your marriage without cheating. Spices can purely be clean fun.

Just remember when you courted your spouse. You definitely had fun together before without cheating. You missed each other even when you saw each other every day and not dated other person.

Some people would recommend marriage counseling. Most often advise marriage counseling is not necessary.

1. What is indeed marriage counseling?
2. How does marriage counseling work?

Most urge to discuss marital problems with the people directly involved in the problem. The advice is definitely correct. You and involved person should personally discuss and solve problems. Nothing is better than it.

However, directly dealing with problems alone is incomplete. You still need to consult people not directly involved in the problem. Any problem needs objective understanding to find the best solution. Talking with people outside the problem is the best way to understand the problem.

In either way, marriage counseling works with or without all the people involved in the problem. Discussing and understanding a problem are two of the marriage counseling processes. The whole effective communication process is part and tool of marriage counseling. Releasing emotional tensions related with the marital problem is another marriage counseling process. Finding the best marriage solution is another process.

Anybody could practice all these marriage counseling process. Any couple would not need any professional marriage counselor. Any couple, therefore, would not need any professional marriage counseling anymore. However, any couple should still consult other people to clearly understand marital problems and find the best solution. They cannot necessarily be professional psychologist, psychiatrist and counselors. They could be your parents, siblings, friends, relatives, office-mates, and colleagues. They can even be anyone not involved in the marital problem. What is important, these people could give you an objective assessment of your marital problem.

Though people involved in the marital problem are the best people to solve problems, they are not always the best people. These people are not the best problem solvers when they are emotionally attached with the problem. Therefore, involve both people related and not related with the problem. So, does marriage counseling work? Yes!

Main marriage builders are commitment and love. They always go together. They are two sides of a coin, different but one. They are like inseparable twins; a pair of wings that becomes useless when one is gone. Without commitment, love could not keep marriage longer. Without love, commitment could not make marriage happier.

• Commitment and love are marriage builders because they make lasting and happier marriage.
  

Well, happy lovers and unmarried partners casually separate because of the absence or lack of commitment in their relationship. Arranged married couples, on the other hand, last decades but are not happy because of the absence or lack of love.

• As married couples, you should live around these two main marriage builders.

These two main marriage builders are interdependent. The sense of commitment makes love more inspiring. Love makes commitment more enduring. If you do not love your spouse, you would less likely commit in your married life. If you do not commit, you would less likely love your spouse.

• Love is indeed the greatest of all. It is however not the most permanent emotion without commitment.

I disagree with The Beatles’ song love is all we need. We also need commitment. While love represents our heart, commitment signifies our will and action.

Love alone is not enough, as most unhappy married couples say. We have to act our love. As the euphoric love, often during honeymoon stage, dives down, commitment keeps it at the top or brings it back to the top. When commitment loses its endurance, love pumps it back to life.

Commitment is neither enough. They always should go together, not only in marriage, but also in any relationship.

So, remember your vow. Love and commit to your spouse. It will certainly keep your marriage.

1. You cannot simply be open if you are dishonest.
   
2. You cannot also be honest if you are not open.
   
3. You have to be both for marital communication to be effective.

Effective communication is important in marriage and any relationship. It channels differences between you and your spouse. It connects two different people for them to become one, which is a core element in marriage.

Openness and honesty are two marriage builders because they facilitate effective communication. Whether you are the speaker or speaker, they are both essential. They also are interdependent.

As a speaker, if you openly talk to your spouse with everything about your day without or less of truthfulness, the talk becomes fictional. An honest talk with limited substance can also be too concealing of truthfulness. As a listener, if you are open to anything your spouse says, but dishonest to your feedback, then the talk becomes shallow. An honest yet close and biased listening and feedback can discourage more talks.

Couples should always practice these two marriage builders. You have to be both open and honest. You have to openly tell your spouse of everything with truthfulness. You have to openly listen and honestly share your thoughts and feelings of what your spouse says.

Talk is indeed cheap if they are not open and honest. Talk is also costly if they are not open and honest. Imagine a married life with half-truths. Do they build happy marriages? Do they keep lasting marriages? I do not think so.

So, openly and honestly talk and listen to your spouse. It will keep your ring forever.

• You even made every sex extra special, kinky, and romantic.
• You and your spouse wore the sexiest lingerie and body scents.
• You romantically adorned your bed and room with candles, flowers, dim lights, and new bed sheets.
• You even looked for time and place to have sex.
• You had sex anywhere and anytime.
• You had sex in breakfast and lunch.
• You had sex in the kitchen, living room, dining room, backyard, and even in the car.
• You even tried different sex positions, including the wildest ones.

Undeniably, it was not a stage of sexless marriage. It was the honeymoon stage, the first stage of marriage.

Sex then gradually became not regular. From every day, you and your spouse had sex 2-3 times a week. It was still not a stage of sexless marriage, but it was heading to it.

• You and your spouse still wore those kinky, sexy, and romantic accents.
• You and your spouse still enjoyed each other’s passionate lovemaking.

It was just not every day and wilder anymore.

From 2-3 times a week, sex became weekly, twice a month, monthly, and every other monthly. Sexless marriage eventually started at this alarming frequency. You or your spouse started rejecting each other’s sexual favors. The kinky, sexy and romantic accents were already gone then. Even if you have random sexual urges, you and your spouse surprisingly did not have simultaneous sexual sparks anymore. Sexless marriage became worst. Sex became yearly and even zero.

Could you accept a sexless marriage? Definitely, no. Then, start reflecting instead. What made you and your spouse tirelessly make love every day? Relive the honeymoon stage and keep your marriage.

1. Is it?
   
2. What is sex in marriage?
3. Is sex still the highest expression of love in marriage?
4. What is the purpose of sex in marriage?
   
5. Is sexless marriage a no-marriage status?

Yes! Sex is indeed the highest expression of love. It is the highest form of love in marriage because sex serves two purposes of marriage.

Sex facilitates the primary concept of marriage—the union of two people. As love invisibly connects two people together, sex physically connects two people. Sex is important in marriage because human beings are physically embodied.Sex is the physical version of love. It satisfies the physical element of two loving human beings. Without sex, love alone could not complete marriage. Without sex, the union of two people is incomplete. Sexless marriage therefore is equally similar to the absence of marriage.

Second, sex facilitates the secondary concept of marriage—family. Sex is a natural form of procreation. It creates children that create a family. Without children, marriage is just incomplete because there is no family created out of the marital relationship. A sexless marriage is again equally similar to the absence of marriage.

Moreover, sex keeps marriages. It continually fires up romantic love between you and your spouse. It highly releases endorphins that make couple feel good with each other. It spices up relationship and sparks more attraction. Sex then is not just an answer to sexual needs of human beings. It is more than physical satisfaction. A material form serves higher purposes in marriage, family, and life.

Sex in marriage, however, should be responsible sex. You should only share sex with your spouse. Otherwise, adultery follows, which will most likely destroy marriage. Sex should create good and healthy children and family. It should not create children who will later die in hunger,disease, and poverty.

A simple pat on his/her back can be an act of support. Encouraging words are more enforcing. You can also support your spouse by giving him/her time and space, needed to come up with decisions. You can have him/her skip some family chores for your spouse to have more thinking time. You can cook meal or prepare coffee while he/she analyzes the problem. When choosing the final decision, you can point other pros and cons of the choices she will take.

• Supporting your spouse’s decision can boost his/her confidence because it both affirms his/her analytical ability and the decision he/she made. Any decision, if supported, carries no apprehensions because someone has affirmed it.

• Support can also be an early driving force to your spouse in analyzing the best insight, decision, and results. Such support will let her brain works and make best judgment.

• Support adds self-worthiness and right pride on your spouse. It will attest that he/she can do eventually tackle any difficult decision.

Therefore, no man is an island. We certainly need another human being to make good choices. A good laugh or smile can convey support. It can lighten the burden of making the best decision and achieving the desired outcome. Of course, any struggle can be easy when shared with someone.

Support can also be in the form of your suggestion. It expands the choices of decisions your spouse will take. Every suggestion can upgrade his/her insights on the problems that need solution. Moreover, a supported decision is an unbiased decision.

A true interest on your spouse’s analysis and decision can build connection between you and your spouse. A hand that reaches to your spouse when he/she needs it is a great relief! Surely, it merits the mind and relationship.

Lastly, any support makes your spouse feel important, interesting, and dependable. He/she will know that he/she can make a difference. Most important, your spouse will know he/she has someone to lean and get inspiration, help, and better judgment.

It does make two to tango.