Conflict in, conflict out
It does not only destroy, but builds and improves human relationships. Conflicts rooted from simple and complex causes. They are either caused by misinformation or differences in values and interests or structural flaws or a mix of the three.
Conflicts are undeniably damaging unless they are carefully resolved. There are various ways of resolving conflicts especially for complex ones. They often vary by culture and root causes. There were conflicts that were arbitrarily resolved, mediated and conciliated. There are personal and facilitative approaches. There are also coercive.
Whatever cause and approach, there is indeed a generic procedure to resolve conflict—understanding the problem and finding solutions. And communication plays a vital part in this process. Couples who are rebuilding their relationship can learn from this.
1, Instantly confronting an apparent or looming conflict is not advisable. Conflicts, especially its immediate effects, should carefully be neutralized and understood first. Conflicts often have harmful consequences like physical injuries, physiological stresses, angers, noisy arguments, etc.
2, Couples ought for TIME OUT when confronted with these consequences to facilitate a more rational problem solving. A furious partner will never provide effective solutions. A stressed husband will never identify the root cause of a problem.
3, During time-out, one should let all his anger and stress out to clear his heart and mind. He/She can shout loud, punch a pillow, tear papers, walk out, swim, jog, pray, etc. There are various approaches. What is important is they emotionally calm and rationally place people.
When couples are now calm, they separately should SORT OUT their emotions and thoughts to trace the root cause/s of the problem. They can either write or talk aloud or record self-talks. They can also talk with other people like friends and family, except the other person involved in the conflict. This process certainly includes self-assessment and sharing to gradually understand a seemingly complex problem.
HEAR OUT your partner or the other person/s involved in the conflict after you clearly sorted out the problem. Actively listen to his/her side or their understanding of the problem. Remember to listen only, not to cut his/her talk and give advice. Ask the right questions, if you were to ask. Share your side after he/she is done and discuss the root cause of the problem.
Immediately FIND OUT an agreeable solution when the problem is clearly understood. Find not only the solution that solves but a solution that does not repeat the conflict.
Of course, ACT OUT your agreeable solutions. If they do not work out, modify until the conflict is resolved and not repeated.