A good marriage doesn’t happen automatically. It involves trust, commitment, acceptance, and mutual respect bonded together with love. Spouses should set themselves apart from all others, and give themselves exclusively to each other. Partners, who have pledged to love each other ’till death do us part,’ must work at it actively and continuously. There is no casual leave or vacation written into the contract.

What do we mean by Fidelity? It is the quality of reliability and trustworthiness to one’s partner.

“To be faithful is not a favor you give to your spouse. It is a privilege to bless yourself with” says Michael Cohon.

Rate yourself on fidelity. Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions and compare your score to the assessment scale below.

Yes or No

1. Do you have personal friendships with people of the opposite sex?
2. Do you have close personal friends of the same sex that you can share your feelings or intimate details about your life with on a regular basis?
3. Do you stay in touch with ex-lovers?
4. Do you share your personal life your clients or colleagues?
5. Do you flirt?
6. Do you ever fantasize about people other than your spouse?
7. Have you ever been unfaithful to your spouse?
8. Do you let hobbies, sports or other interests interfere with our connection to your spouse?
9. Do you ever have physical contact with someone other than your spouse?
10. Do you ever share your feelings or intimate details about your life with any family members?
11. Do you dress provocatively?
12. Do you have any addictions?
13. Do you ever share good news with someone other than your spouse before sharing it with your spouse?
14. Would you enjoy if an attractive person flirted with you?  Would you encourage and engage them?

SCALE of yes Answer

0-3:     You are physically, emotionally and spiritually faithful to your spouse.

4-8:     You could improve your fidelity

9-14:   Your focus is outside your marriage.

Do you buy your spouse a gift for their: Rating 1 to 10

a. birthday

b. your anniversary

c. any other special holidays and occasion

 How thoughtful was the gift? In other words, did you just buy anything, or did your spouse see that you put some time and thought into it? Rating 1 to 10

SURPRISE GIFTS:Rating 1 to 10

a.Do you give your spouse surprise gifts? 

b.  Will you sometimes go out of your way to make it a special surprise?

 CHORES: Rating 1 to 10

1. Do you ever give your spouse a break by doing some of their chores?
2. Do you ever surprise them and do their chores or do you have to be asked?
3. Do you expect them to do your chores as payback, or do you do their chores unselfishly?
4. Do you go ahead and do the chores that are not specifically yours or hers (like change the baby’s diaper, replace the toilet paper, change a light bulb) without being asked?

FREE TIME: Rating 1 to 10

1. Do you ever baby sit the kids, so your spouse can go shopping or just relax?
2. Can you tell when your spouse needs some free time?

YOUR TIME: Rating 1 to 10

1. Do you freely give of your time to your spouse?
2. Are you listening when your spouse is talking to you?
3. Do you take the time to ask questions and take an interest in them?

SEX: Rating 1 to 10

a. Are you a take or a giver?

b. Are you the first to initiate intimacy?

c. Does your spouses’ needs take priority over yours?

d. Do you ever ask your spouse if you are meeting their needs?

e. Does satisfying sex mean pleasing your partner also? 
  
SCALE of GIVING PATTERNS

  0-38:     Learn some skills or your marriage may not make it.

 39-58:    Trying to build your marriage, this won’t do it.

 59-70:     Well done!

   A.    What is your spouse’s favorite?

 Color, place to visit, restaurant, food, dish, desert, holiday, best friend, relative, clothing store, day of the week, actor, movie, way to make love, author, book(s), sports, sports hero, sports team, hobby, topics of discussion, artist, musician,TV Show, Animal/pet, Music, Way to relax.

   B.   What size does your spouse wear?    Blouse/shirt, skirt/pants, dress, shoe,  hat.

   C.  More Random questions about your spouse   

 Which type of vacation does your spouse prefer? 
     a.         Sun in the fun 
     b.         Outdoor adventure 
     c.         Sightseeing

  The kind of gift would my spouse prefer: 
     a.         Surprise 
     b.         Just like that wanted 
     c.         Sentimental 
     d.         Practical

  My spouse prefers to wear or buy: 
     a.         Platinum 
     b.         Silver 
     c.         Gold

 SCALE of Correct Answers

1. When I receive a call from my spouse, I almost always make time to talk.
2. When I’m with my spouse and someone phones me, I let the call go to voice mail.
3. At least twice a day, I speak to my spouse about non logistical personal matters.
4. When something important happens in my life, my spouse is the first one I tell.
5. At least twice a day I initiate some kind of loving physical contact with my spouse.
6. When we go to a party or social function, I almost always spend at least half the time with my spouse.
7. I almost always interrupt what I’m doing to greet my spouse when he/she enters the house.
8. The first thing I do when I enter my home is greet my spouse.
9. I spend more time with my spouse than I do watching T.V.
10. I communicate with my spouse more than anyone else in my life.
11. I almost always go to my spouse first when I need to talk to someone.
12. I almost always put a lot of thought into recognizing and planning for my spouses’ birthday, our anniversary, and other special days.
13. I take my spouse out somewhere special at least once a week.
14. We go on vacation together at least once a year.
15. I carry photographs of my spouse in my wallet and have them displayed in my office or gym locker.
16. I have at least one personal and meaningful conversation with my spouse for a minimum of 25 minutes per week.
17.  I almost always do something thoughtful for my spouse on a regular basis. 
    

SCALE of true Answer

         1-8:         You’re priorities are out of order.

         9-13:       This won’t do if you’re trying to help your marriage.

         14-17:     You seem to have your priorities right.