Most men find it challenging to be the Mr. Right for their wives. Since men and women are made differently, they have different outlook in life. This usually accounts for the countless instances where men fail to give what their wives need.

In order for you to give what your wife exactly needs, it is essential that you understand her and the things that set you and your wife apart. Know your differences and work things out so that you can mesh them up where your points usually clash. Nowadays, healthy relationships are very important. With the divorce rating soaring in numbers, it is important that you try to turn the statistics and the table around. This is not only important for you and your wife, but it is twice as important to your kids.

One of the important things that you have to know about women is that they want to be loved no matter what. Women tend to be more emotional than men, and you have to understand and accept this. This is the reason why it is important that you love her when she succeeds and love her more when she screws up. In most cases, men get mad when their wives are being melodramatic over things they deem petty and shallow. Refrain from this habit. Don’t push things overboard when she is already having a bad day. Instead, be with her and support her when she tries to redeem herself. This act of support will speak volumes to her, and it will surely strengthen your marriage.

Even if you are already married for a long time, it is also essential that you spice things up with a thoughtful surprise once in a while. Nothing is sweeter than a surprise that you pulled together with all your effort. Remember that it does not have to be expensive or grand in order to please your wife. There is also no need for a special occasion for you to pull up a surprise. You can surprise her at almost any day at any time for whatever purpose, and you will surely find yourselves more drawn together than you ever did before.

Another concern that you have to take into account is that women needs to constantly feel secured and assured. Whether it be financial or physical security, it is important that you create and give her a secure feeling. There are several ways in which you accomplish this, and you can try several things that would likely give her the assurance that she needs. You might also want to consider doing fun activities that will likely draw you together. Remember that one of the keys to a successful and lasting marriage is having a fun and healthy relationship with your spouse.

The list could go on. There are other several big and small ways in which you can strengthen your relationship with your wife. Practice these and try to make it a habit to please your wife. You will notice that your wife will likely return you the favor, and she would do things that would please you.

Before you even consider pornography to add “spice” to your relationship, it is wise that you learn of its potential repercussions to your marriage.

In several occasions, I encounter couples who admit that watching pornographic materials is a part of their sexual routine. It is being resorted to by these couples to give their sexual experience the much needed “shot in the arm.” For those couples who have been engaging in this kind of sexual arousal, the issue of it being damaging to marriages seems to be baseless.

Pornography desensitizes the person towards his or her spouse

Pornographic materials normally showcase super-sized, agile and young porn stars. These are the characters that never grow old or get tired of sex. They are always on “high gear.” They don’t become overweight, lose muscle tone and develop wrinkles. As far as your favorite porn stars are concerned, everything is perfect. They are great performers in bed and off it. They can get into sexual positions that only a nimble contortionist can execute and still enjoy what their partners are doing to or with them.

Your spouse will surely have a hard time trying to duplicate the sexual feat of your favorite porn star, especially when they are already past 30. Anything that your spouse does in bed will not be enough for you once you get yourself within that realm defined by the sexual fantasies you imbibe from watching porn materials.

So, what happens when you find yourself in this kind of situation?

Pornographic materials decimate and undermine your spouse’s self-esteem. When you fill your mind with the images of your favorite porn star, your spouse turns into an imperfect and aging lover. This practice can dangerously push you closer to looking for and getting involved with someone who can fulfill your fantasies.

In most cases, it is the husband who resorts to watching pornographic materials to achieve a certain level of arousal. This happens when he feel desensitized notwithstanding the efforts being made by the wife. In which case, the wife ends up suffering in silence just to please her husband. Wives feels crushed with the painful reality that their husbands no longer find them “desirable” and “attractive” in bed. They start to question their own capacity as a lover to their husbands. They try to look at what is wrong with them that they are no longer capable in giving their husband the kind of excitement they seek when they are in bed with them. It is under this situation that self-esteem becomes the major casualty.

For the husbands, are you willing to do this to your wives?

Can this situation be reversed? Everything is possible. It is just a matter of creating the right mental attitude and appreciating the implications of our actions. The husband must understand the negative impact of such act on his wife. No straight-thinking person would want to be instrumental in the erosion of their partner’s self confidence and self-esteem.

Consequently, to answer our opening question, you have to remember that marriage and pornography will never make a perfect mix.

Pornography is a tinderbox waiting to explode, and it should be avoided by married couples.

Do you feel like your marriage is soon to drift apart? If and when your marriage is already going through a difficult phase and you think that your husband is slowly falling out of love, it is important that you do something before everything gets worse. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your husband is difficult, and putting your marriage back in track is twice the difficulty. However, you should keep in mind that it is actually possible to let your husband fall in love with you all over again.

With your busy schedule and several responsibilities as a wife, it is very easy to ignore your husband and make him the least of your priorities. There are several wives out there who find themselves in similar situations. In fact, most women find it really difficult to care for their husbands even more when they are already stressed out with a full list of to-dos. It could be a difficult challenge to give more attention to your husband than how much you normally give him but there are simple tips in which you can effectively bring back the passion in your marriage.

Before anything else, it is very important that you trust and believe that your marriage is worth all your time and effort. Moreover, you also have to convince yourself that your husband is so far the best thing that has happened in your life. Once you are able to realize these, it will be a lot easier to rekindle the fire in your marriage. Remember that it is very easy to give everything up if you are doubtful that it is worth saving. Once you have proven yourself that you are doing the right thing by saving your marriage then you will be determined to make your husband fall back in love with you even more.

When trying to win back the love of your husband, it is very important that you communicate with him. Remember that communication is one of the essential aspects of a successful marriage. You should be able to convey your message and intention across. Moreover, one of the pitfalls that all women should avoid is their tendency to nag and blame their husband for almost everything that arises in their marriage. Instead of nagging your husband, engage in a peaceful and good conversation. In this way, things will be ironed out in no time, and you will avoid the possibility of dragging your argument until you sleep.

Moreover, you should not fail to express your love to your husband. One of the main reasons why men usually withdraw from a relationship is because they feel unloved by their spouse. Maybe your responsibilities as a mother are eating too much of your time and energy to the extent that nothing is left for your husband. Shun away this possibility by doing your best to make him feel loved and cared for. You will be surprised on how a minute of your time that you offer to compliment him would make him feel important.

One of the great things about being married is that you have your partner that you can run to for regular sex. Particularly for men, this is an important aspect of the commitment shared with another person. However, there will be instances when you are all primed for a good round of sex and get stopped dead on your track by your wife for some extraneous reasons. Worse, she may even use your wrong presumptions against you. There are some women who develop the habit of withholding sex at a time that you are intensely craving for one. For men, this is such a cruel thing and something that is uncalled for. Of course, there is a whole world of difference between intentionally withholding sex and not wanting to it. When your wife seems unresponsive with your sexual advances, she is actually sending off a message to you. The challenge for you is to decode these messages so that you can act and respond to them appropriately.

1. She is pissed with something

This is considered to be the most common reason why women decide to withhold sex to their partners. This means that if you have done something that made her angry, then you should not expect that she will be responsive to your sexual signals. This is her way of “punishing” you for what you have done. She will withhold that one thing that you really want. The last thing that a woman wants if she is furious, annoyed,
frustrated or annoyed is to get into action in bed.

While men normally turn off unpleasant feelings and get down to business with a lot to spare, women find it difficult to do the same thing. The best thing for you to do is to sort things to out with your wife before you attempt to do things between the sheets.

2. She is trying to assert herself

Your wife may be trying to assert her “ascendancy” over you and your relationship, when she decides to withhold sex from you. If there is one aspect in marriage that women think they can leverage on – it is sex.
You wife may simply want to show who is the boss when it comes to the affairs in bed or she may be trying to compensate on other aspects of the relationship where she feels powerless. This is usually the case when
women find their men domineering or cruel.

3. She is trying to manipulate you

If your wife is withholding sex from you, she may be doing this in order to make you do or get something from you. If she gets frustrated in getting what the thing that she wants from you, then she may decide to act on that one aspect she thinks that you are most vulnerable. This means that

if your wife seems to be stopping you from moving towards your carnal objectives, then she may be trying to manipulate you. In most cases, the reasons are pretty serious or important to her. Generally, your wife will not resort to this drastic move unless it is for something that is really important to her.

A lot of couples are resigned to the idea that their sex lives will start to decline after several years of marriage. In fact, there are men who believe that they will never have good sex anymore once they decide to spend the rest of their lives with just one woman. This shouldn’t have to be the case. Marriage should not mean the death of good sex. However, you and your spouse would need to go the extra mile to keep it exciting and interesting as you add years to your married life.

Here are some of the things that you can do to have a better sexual relationship.

1. Use sex to hurdle marriage ruts

You will come to a certain stage in your marriage that the intensity of your sex life will start to wane. Work pressures, children, hobbies, friends and other important concerns will get in the way and affect you capacity to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. There will be instances where you and your spouse will not be communicating as often as before. You will discover that you seem to miss the connection in various aspects of your relationship with your spouse. If you find yourself in this kind of marriage rut, don’t allow sex to get pushed by the wayside. Instead, find ways by which you can use sex to reverse the dip that you are experiencing in your marriage. In short, use sex to get your marriage back on track.

2. Don’t just treat her as your wife

You may see her as the love of your life and the woman you are going to spend the rest of your life. She is also the mother of your kids; that is, if you have them, and the “goddess” in your home while still trying to keep up with the demands of her work and a plethora of other essential things that she must attend to.

3. Make your love nest off limits to your kids

In order for you and your wife to rediscover the beauty of sex, you need to take steps so that you get “insulated” from the pressures and effects of those around you. This is important so that you can focus on each other. This means that you have to designate a certain place or area in your home as no-kids zone.

4. Wear something sexy in bed

It is a common practice by most people to let themselves to go once they have exchanged vows with their partners. Unfortunately, this is

something that can negatively impact on your sexual relationship. If you get into bad habit of failing to put some serious effort to appear attractive and “delectable” to your wife, then she may ultimately become
disinterested and unresponsive to your sexual signals or cues. This means that flannel pajamas are not advisable. Make sure that you wear something that your wife finds sexy when you slip under the sheets. This could be her favorite t-shirt, boxer shorts or nothing at all.

Have you ever stayed up to the wee hours of the morning, thinking whether or not your marriage will fall apart? You would not believe how many individuals have stressed about the same problem. Quite a number of people have asked themselves about the measures that they can take in order to save a marriage that is falling apart. Sadly, only few of them have found the right answers for their problem, and fewer were able to save their marriage from possible divorce.

Many marriages head to the pitfalls of divorce because little or no effort at all has been exerted to save the relationship. The problem lies with the lack of patience people have in fixing the conflicts in their marriage. While individuals swear to a lifelong love, they fail to keep this promise in mind especially at crucial times where their marriage hit the rocks. The truth is that problems do not develop overnight. The problems only grow out of proportion when both parties ignore them.

You should understand that all marriages have their own share of ups and downs, and divorce is not the sole way out of marriage conflicts. Most marriage issues can be sorted out easily, and it is only a matter of the right amount of patience and good intention to rescue a relationship. Moreover, it is better that you start responding on your problems now than regret for not having to when you have no other choice but to give up on your marriage.

If you are serious about saving your marriage from divorce, the first thing that you have to do is to determine the sole cause of the strain in your relationship. You have to know what your problems are and how they started. Remember that you can’t fix anything unless you know why it was broken in the first place. The same thing applies for marriage. As soon as you realize your problems, you can easily find ways in which you can possibly undo or fix them.

Once you have taken the first step of identifying your problem then you can start with the next step of fixing them. In repairing your marriage, communication is the key factor. Moreover, keep in mind that shouting and arguing is not the same with effective communication. It also helps if you have already set your frame of mind into fixing the problems in your marriage. In such case, you will be inclined to discussing your problems in a very peaceful manner. If you have determined the problem and figured out that it was your fault then you should immediately make amends. On the other hand, if it was your spouse’s fault then keep an open mind and give your partner the chance to make it up to you. Remember that marriage is a two-way street. Therefore, it will take the both of you to make the relationship work.

Finally, let go of all the bad memories in your relationship and try to start anew. You should work together in bringing back the sparks alive, and building up your love. It is important that you try with everything that you can to save your marriage from complete downfall lest you regret it in the end.

Your marriage will come to a point where you discover that you have drifted far away from each other. It is during this stage that you come to realize that things are not so rosy and cozy anymore between you and your spouse. How could you allow things to come to this point? Could you have done something earlier to avoid this difficult situation between you and your spouse? Is it your fault or is it your spouse’s fault?

The Cost of Material Success

Let us consider the case of Darwin and Kate. Married for 9 years with 3 adorable kids, problems in their relationship are the last things that you would expect of them. Darwin owns and manages three businesses. To describe him as self-driven and ambitious is an understatement. His weekly routine requires him to manage a restaurant, coordinate with the clients of his home-based accounting consultancy service and operate a parking lot business.

The demands of his businesses have taken its toll on his relationship with his wife and kids. He is fully aware of this problem; however, Dave believes that it is a small sacrifice that the family has to make as all these are for the future of his family.

It did not come as a shocking development when I learned that Dave and his wife are having communication problems. For most of the time, he would come dog tired and would not have the energy to perform his role as a father to his kids and husband to his wife. He is fully aware of the situation. However, he always rationalizes that he knows what his priorities are, and that is to be a good provider to his family.

Catching up with the Jones-es

We are continually being bombarded by images of properties with million dollar tag prices, expensive lifestyle and luxury cars. Oftentimes, we develop the warped notion that success in marriage is dependent on the worth of your material possessions and the amount of your savings. You only learn the painful truth only when the situation has already reached the point of no return. Marriages end in disaster, children suffer and lives are ruined as we try to keep with the Joneses.

The truth of the matter is that not all of us can be rich. However, it is entirely our choice whether we accept and appreciate what we have at the moment. Sometimes, we have to learn things the hard way in order to understand what the more important aspects in our lives are. Your family, peace of mind and happiness are more important than the extra dollars you out into your bank account.

Think about it – Are you letting stress and worldly ambitions ruin your marriage?

Once you are able to sort out your priorities, you will learn to appreciate the things that you have and re-channel your time and effort to things that are really important to you. You have to come to this realization before it is too late. Break free from the clutches of your personal ambitions and think of what you can really “GIVE” to your wife and your children.

]]> http://buildmymarriage.com/dealing-with-stress/feed/ 0 http://buildmymarriage.com/intimacy-sexual-relationship/ http://buildmymarriage.com/intimacy-sexual-relationship/#comments Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:19:20 +0000 admin http://buildmymarriage.com/?p=939

Here is an important fact that we have to remember. Intimacy is something that all of us crave for. Sadly, most of us will never have it! A lot of couples are fully aware that there is something missing from their marriage but can’t seem to put their fingers on what it is that they are missing. This is the main reason why some married individuals feel empty or lonely or unfulfilled, although they believe that there are no reasons to feel that way.

If you take a brief pause and go into some serious self-reflection, you will learn that one thing that is lacking in your relationship is INTIMACY. All of us are born having this irresistible need for intimacy. Sadly, most couples seem not to have that essential oneness. What most couples have is “sexual congress,” but few are able to achieve sexual intimacy. In fact, a growing number of married couples are comfortable and able to share faith and trust, but few share them to the point that they achieve genuine intimacy. Couples may live in the same house and have physical contact on a daily basis. However, not many couples share true intimacy, and this is what they must work on if they want to strengthen their marriage.

If you are feeling unfulfilled and empty, it may be due to the fact that you are not feeling the intimacy in your relationship with your spouse. If you are feeling a sense of loneliness or at times find yourself wanting for a relationship that is totally different from what you have now, then it is almost a definite thing that intimacy in your relationship with your spouse has not reached the desired level.

Is it really important for us to know whether we have intimacy in our sexual relationship or not?

We continually witness couples who fail in their marriages only because they were frustrated from getting “something” that they so badly needed. Worse, some individuals misconstrue this feeling of anxiety as something that is totally different. There are those individuals who believe that it is something that has got to do with sex, while others think that they need more attention from their spouse. People who are craving for intimacy are often confused and fail to determine what it really is. Because of this, they tend to make decisions and take actions that actually make matters worse between them and their spouse. This can lead to a more destructive situations and events – infidelity, posturing, physical abuse. They act in the manner that they think should be in order to experience what is lacking in their relationship with their spouse. Sadly, most of them end up unfulfilled and empty as before.

So, how can one achieve intimacy in their marriage?

It requires proper understanding on the part of the husband and wife. The first thing that you and your spouse must work on is to stop forcing each other to lie. Once you are able to work this one out, the next thing that you must do is to understand the sequence that you follow while learning how to make yourself sensitive to your spouse. Once you are able to understand this sequence, you can also start to change the way you communicate with your spouse. Even your sexual relationship will take a totally new dimension. Finally, you must learn the art of giving and getting acceptance, even in instances that we don’t seem to agree with what our spouse is saying.

Everything boils down to your mindset and your willingness to accept and repent for what you have done.

You will have to do more than what you can ever think of when you broke the trust and respect of your spouse. At the end of the day, all those things that you must do will add to getting you in a position where you have a better chance of regaining the trust of your spouse and saving the marriage. There are instances where you will fail and where things seem to be hopeless. One of the major hurdles will be the fear of your spouse that he or she will never regain his or her trust in you.

Married couples who are going through this difficult phase in their relationship will have to understand that no two situations is similar and that the challenge of rebuilding and surviving the crisis can only be overcome if both parties are willing to do their share.

It all boils down to our being transparent

Whatever the situation you are in right now, the most important thing that you and your spouse must work on, regardless of who is at fault, is transparency. This is what both of you must do from Day One. To really appreciate the importance of this aspect of relationship rebuilding, you only have to look for the definition of the word “transparency” in your Webster Dictionary, and you will find it revealing. There are actually 2 definitions for the word “transparency” that capture what we want to achieve. When we talk of transparency, we are referring to our being “sheer” or “fine” enough to be seen through by our spouse. We are also concerned about our being devoid of deceit and pretense.

It is important that you and your spouse, regardless of the circumstances you are in right now, must have this positive mindset. So, how can you be free from deceit? You must learn to open up and avoid keeping secrets from one another. Be forthright and sheer enough so that your spouse will no longer doubt or question your motives. In short, you must walk the talk. This does not necessary mean that you have to give up or sacrifice your individuality or independence. This is not also tantamount to having to ask their permission or concurrence before you do anything.

You can be transparent and keep your identity as separate and distinct characters. However, you have to understand that, once you become involved in a serious relationship, your individual identity will go through some changes.

What are these changes?

Marriage ceremonies are diverse in several aspects and this diversity is defined the cultural edicts and beliefs subscribed to by the couples. These are normally characterized by the language and symbolic rites that relate to concept of union between two people. This reinforces the concept of collected identity where the couples will subordinate their individual identities to this collected identity.

You and your spouse must be aware of these dynamics in your relationship. When you commit yourself to your spouse, you are in effect saying to your spouse that you are no longer separate and distinct individuals with different interests and motivations. You are one unit. This is an important sensibility that you need to have in your relationship with your spouse. Your marriage grows and flourishes as you and your spouse grow as one single unit.

When you embrace and subscribe to this transparency, you will be able to start the process of rebuilding your relationship. The task is far from being easy, and it may take some time before you can gain positive response from your spouse. However, this is the best way you can regain their trust.

Remember the first rule – Be transparent to regain the trust of your spouse.